Sonne-of-Sun

Mom's fault I'm here in the office typing out stuff an computing the records... 
She told me to find a job... but the job I wanted is somewhat done accepting applicants.... actually probably since last year. I did not take my summer class for college this year because of that. What a bummer. I'm quite set into a summer of boredom and couch potatoness. 
Nevermind... I seem to be getting thinner anyway without even excercising... or maybe just loosing muscle tone.

Yeah... another person to invade other peoples life by looking into their files. Not entirely my fault. Socialize! She says again and again. I can't blame her. Not her fault I am closed to the things that normally go on in life. I don't quite care about fads or fashion, jewelry, shoes ad stuff... being clean and presentable enough is ok with me. I don't want makeup; I don't need it. It will just make my face oily afterward and block pores and induce acne. I don't need anti-oil paper either... my skin is just fine. Actually, it is low maintenance... just ordinary soap. No darn fanciness.
It's not like anybody will notice a new face just like so, unless you really stood out. And I don't want to stand out. It's irritating enough that I'm paired up with irritating immature boys. Why do they insist on making me socially active... they don't know what I feel about it because I'm different. I like being left in peace! Darn it. Why is being an artist so hard... Stupid mood stupid attitude stupid weird point of view seemingly odd social status... 
I hate how they socialize with me... the only time they even speak to me is when they tease me with someone or need something... like math or a class bulletin board contest and stuff. The worst project they gave me was this stupid high-school comics contest thing that involves all or some of the students in the class!!! And you know what? That's right... They left me to do it on my own. The script, the character design, the materials... almost everything! I told them that I'm no good at keeping it short and simple but they still cheered on... I hate being cheered on. I told them to make a simple script for me... that's it... some few words... "You can write it on your own. It might not come as good if we write it." As expected by me and my dad, I didn't finish it... so my classmates barged in."We'll help!" Oh shit. they got their crayons and colored it all wrong... pink hair red school shirt/blouse/polo, green jeans, blue skin, yellow hair... Oh, Shit shit shit... I almost cried at what they did to my lines. I stopped them angrily and told them not to touch it. I also told them that I give up. But still>"You can do it, you can finish it."Oh, SHUT UP! All you want is another win for the class. Darn it . It should be a group effort. Everybody expects too much from me... why only me? I don't want them to expect to much from me... I don't want others depending on me while I can't even depend on myself. 
Darn it. I need to be GIVEN orders before I do anything... I'm too lazy to do things even if it is as small as mopping the attic, my empty art studio converted attic, specially if I am ot using it. Encouragement does not do much for me... mainly because I already know that I can. I really lack will power. Period. That's my problem... and I want someone to love and care for... Hell... I take 20 minutes just cleaning the fishbowl of my beta and around the whole day just feeding him... and trying to find him a mate... with no avail.
I'm so pathetic... Someone HELP me! I'm so lonely even with all the people around. I even start conversations with strangers. 
A simple conversation would be nice. That's all. You don't have to force a laugh out of me... it won't work anyways. It will just irritate me more. Laughter will come sooner or later... I'm monochrome... no mean jokes and tricks allowed... utter hared just follows.